I recently watched the movie The Women and this is an excerpt from a conversation from the, I guess, turning point of the whole story:
Even though I thought the movie as a whole was kind of dull, this part really touched me because it is a little bit how I feel at times and got me thinking once again: What do I really want?
I feel like this question in itself almost symbolizes my time here in Paris, and why I came here; to try to really figure out who I am, and to see what I can do when I'm on my own. See where I can go. Take some time for myself and focus on doing just me. This is why I had sworn to myself that I would not for example become emotionally attached or dependent on a guy while I am here. No distractions. Be selfish, not having to care about anybody else, not having to take care of anybody else other than me. And I have to say that it feels so damn good -- so liberating! It makes me walk around in the streets just smiling to myself or wanting to get up in the morning and go jogging when the sun rises (yes, I admit that I have been slacking in that department that but I will pick up on it again, and the motivation is there).
My point is, sometimes we need to take a break from everything. I became stronger, more confident, more independent, and so much prouder. I used to always bend over backwards and turning upside down to please everybody else, making the people that I thought were important to me my absolute priority (for instance friends, my last boyfriend etc) and I would have done anything and everything for them. But I lost myself while doing that. I had a conversation with a friend of mine last night about friendships and the rules of relationships, and basically he was saying that he pours his heart into any kind of relationship, but as soon as the other person doesn't make the same amount of effort he just shuts them out. And at first I thought that that's absolutely ruthless and absurd and that people aren't perfect and that his expectations are just too high. How do you just go from one extreme to the other? How can that be a real friendship and not just superficial? That as soon as there's an imperfection, you're out. But the more I think about it, the more it makes sense: It all comes down to respect that you have for yourself. If you continuously let somebody else disrespect you and your "friendship" by not putting in the same effort, then there is a certain imbalance. What kind of a relationship (and I'm talking about any kind of relationship) is it when there is an imbalance? If you give more than you are getting back, then you are not only being disrespected/unappreciated by the other person, but mostly you're just disrespecting yourself because you're settling for less than what you deserve. When are we going to stop making excuses for other people? Is it having a generous and forgiving heart or is it actually just being naive and needy? Is it possible to be both, forgiving and proud?
He also said, and I quote: "I don't have a problem being by myself. I don't need to be around somebody or have someones approval to be happy", and I truly admire that.
The conclusion here being, that I need to be comfortable with who I am as a person, and to respect myself and do what I want, and not to compromise my dignity/values/morals for someone or even something (like a job) because at the end of the day it's my life. And I am the one who has to be happy, and our time is too short to rely on anybody other than yourself for happiness.*
To remind myself of that every day, I will dedicate a wall to my dreams and aspirations, kind of like the one Mary made in the movie. There's a wall that is right next to my bathroom door and I think it would be perfect. we'll see...
*This all being said and to avoid any misunderstandings: I think forgiveness is important, believing in the good in people is important, and to leave the past in the past is important. Not need to be(come) a bitch!
Even though I thought the movie as a whole was kind of dull, this part really touched me because it is a little bit how I feel at times and got me thinking once again: What do I really want?
I feel like this question in itself almost symbolizes my time here in Paris, and why I came here; to try to really figure out who I am, and to see what I can do when I'm on my own. See where I can go. Take some time for myself and focus on doing just me. This is why I had sworn to myself that I would not for example become emotionally attached or dependent on a guy while I am here. No distractions. Be selfish, not having to care about anybody else, not having to take care of anybody else other than me. And I have to say that it feels so damn good -- so liberating! It makes me walk around in the streets just smiling to myself or wanting to get up in the morning and go jogging when the sun rises (yes, I admit that I have been slacking in that department that but I will pick up on it again, and the motivation is there).
My point is, sometimes we need to take a break from everything. I became stronger, more confident, more independent, and so much prouder. I used to always bend over backwards and turning upside down to please everybody else, making the people that I thought were important to me my absolute priority (for instance friends, my last boyfriend etc) and I would have done anything and everything for them. But I lost myself while doing that. I had a conversation with a friend of mine last night about friendships and the rules of relationships, and basically he was saying that he pours his heart into any kind of relationship, but as soon as the other person doesn't make the same amount of effort he just shuts them out. And at first I thought that that's absolutely ruthless and absurd and that people aren't perfect and that his expectations are just too high. How do you just go from one extreme to the other? How can that be a real friendship and not just superficial? That as soon as there's an imperfection, you're out. But the more I think about it, the more it makes sense: It all comes down to respect that you have for yourself. If you continuously let somebody else disrespect you and your "friendship" by not putting in the same effort, then there is a certain imbalance. What kind of a relationship (and I'm talking about any kind of relationship) is it when there is an imbalance? If you give more than you are getting back, then you are not only being disrespected/unappreciated by the other person, but mostly you're just disrespecting yourself because you're settling for less than what you deserve. When are we going to stop making excuses for other people? Is it having a generous and forgiving heart or is it actually just being naive and needy? Is it possible to be both, forgiving and proud?
He also said, and I quote: "I don't have a problem being by myself. I don't need to be around somebody or have someones approval to be happy", and I truly admire that.
The conclusion here being, that I need to be comfortable with who I am as a person, and to respect myself and do what I want, and not to compromise my dignity/values/morals for someone or even something (like a job) because at the end of the day it's my life. And I am the one who has to be happy, and our time is too short to rely on anybody other than yourself for happiness.*
To remind myself of that every day, I will dedicate a wall to my dreams and aspirations, kind of like the one Mary made in the movie. There's a wall that is right next to my bathroom door and I think it would be perfect. we'll see...
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